This happened in Boise
So I had to go to the mall to get some clothes today. Switched landry detergents about a month ago and it has severly faded some of my shirts. No big deal, was probably overdue anyhow. So I trek on up to Dillards and head for the clearance rack. (I’m cheap) I start going through the rack and I’m not seeing much…at least in my size. I take a shirt off the rack that is halfway decent, but it’s a brand that I had never heard of. (I may be cheap, but I want to be stylish) Now I’m not the world’s best shopper. I hate it. I get really antsy when I’m in a clothes store because all I can concentrate on is getting my shit, not trying it on, paying for it and making a beeline out of there. I’m a man with a purpose.
But, I start to notice something.
About 2 sections away I see a lady in her late 50s just staring at me. I make eye contact with her, smile and quickly look away. But, out of the corner of my eye, I can see that she is still fixated one me. I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable. I move to the Ralph Lauren section and peruse for a few solid color shirts. She almost mirrors my movement and starts to glance over a little more obviously. I can feel her eyes looking at the back of my head by this point. I grab a few shirts in my size and go look at some pants. I see her move a little closer to me. I try to ignore her. This goes on for a good 15 minutes before I go to the dress shirt display and notice that she is directly in front of me on the other side of the cart. She is crying. I look up and say, “I’m sorry, but do I know you?” She softly starts to speak, her voice crackling to get the words out, and says “I’m so sorry that I’ve been staring at you. It just…you look exactly like my son that was killed in a car accident last month.” I don’t even know what to say at this point. I muster out an apology for her loss. “Thank you,” she says. “I know that this is very awkward but can you do me a favor? Can you say ‘Bye mom’ for me when I leave the store? It would mean the world to me.” Wow…what am I going to say to that? With hesitation, I agreed. It’s weird, but I can see how much it would mean to her. I grab a pair of pants and I see her moving towards the exit, bags in tow. She stops, looks back and I tell her goodbye. She starts shaking and bawling and then leaves the store in a hurry. It was completely surreal.
I grab my stuff and go up to the register. The lady rings me up, takes the security tags off my clothes and is trying to start a conversation with me in the process. I’m not having it. She totals it up and the register reads $547.32. Uh…what? I know that Ralph Lauren is expensive, but that’s a little excessive for 3 shirts and a pair of pants. Then, it all comes together. She looks at me bewildered and says “Well, you have these items and the stuff your mom just purchased. She said that you were going to take care of it for her as a birthday gift. You are a good son.”
Fv<k. Me. Running.
I start to lose it and tell her what the hell happened. You can literally see the lady start to turn 3 shades of white as she realizes that she has been scammed. The security officer comes out and we explain the situation. He radios for backup and they are now combing the area looking for my “mom”. 15 minutes later, I decide that these shirts aren’t worth the hassle. It’s not MY gd problem. So I leave my merchandise, go out to my car and start making my way home. I get out of the mall parking lot and on to milwaukee. I get to a stoplight and start to have my blood pressure raise. My “mom” is waiting for the bus about a half mile from the mall. I am just aching for the light to turn green. It does and I pull into the parking lot of a gas station just past the light. I get out of my car, slam the door and make a beeline towards the lady. I’m about 30 feet away before she realizes just who is running towards her at a full sprint. She drops her bags and starts taking off down the sidewalk. I’m gaining on her. I finally catch up to her and put my hand on her shoulder from behind. This causes her to fall. She starts screaming at me about how she is sorry and please don’t hurt her. I’m fv<king livid. I ask her why in the hell she thought that she could do that to me and she says. “Now, this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin’ some b-ball outside of school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good startin making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say is that this cab was rare but I thought 'Man forget it' - 'Yo home to Bel Air'. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'. I looked to my kingdom I was finally there. To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air”
So I had to go to the mall to get some clothes today. Switched landry detergents about a month ago and it has severly faded some of my shirts. No big deal, was probably overdue anyhow. So I trek on up to Dillards and head for the clearance rack. (I’m cheap) I start going through the rack and I’m not seeing much…at least in my size. I take a shirt off the rack that is halfway decent, but it’s a brand that I had never heard of. (I may be cheap, but I want to be stylish) Now I’m not the world’s best shopper. I hate it. I get really antsy when I’m in a clothes store because all I can concentrate on is getting my shit, not trying it on, paying for it and making a beeline out of there. I’m a man with a purpose.
But, I start to notice something.
About 2 sections away I see a lady in her late 50s just staring at me. I make eye contact with her, smile and quickly look away. But, out of the corner of my eye, I can see that she is still fixated one me. I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable. I move to the Ralph Lauren section and peruse for a few solid color shirts. She almost mirrors my movement and starts to glance over a little more obviously. I can feel her eyes looking at the back of my head by this point. I grab a few shirts in my size and go look at some pants. I see her move a little closer to me. I try to ignore her. This goes on for a good 15 minutes before I go to the dress shirt display and notice that she is directly in front of me on the other side of the cart. She is crying. I look up and say, “I’m sorry, but do I know you?” She softly starts to speak, her voice crackling to get the words out, and says “I’m so sorry that I’ve been staring at you. It just…you look exactly like my son that was killed in a car accident last month.” I don’t even know what to say at this point. I muster out an apology for her loss. “Thank you,” she says. “I know that this is very awkward but can you do me a favor? Can you say ‘Bye mom’ for me when I leave the store? It would mean the world to me.” Wow…what am I going to say to that? With hesitation, I agreed. It’s weird, but I can see how much it would mean to her. I grab a pair of pants and I see her moving towards the exit, bags in tow. She stops, looks back and I tell her goodbye. She starts shaking and bawling and then leaves the store in a hurry. It was completely surreal.
I grab my stuff and go up to the register. The lady rings me up, takes the security tags off my clothes and is trying to start a conversation with me in the process. I’m not having it. She totals it up and the register reads $547.32. Uh…what? I know that Ralph Lauren is expensive, but that’s a little excessive for 3 shirts and a pair of pants. Then, it all comes together. She looks at me bewildered and says “Well, you have these items and the stuff your mom just purchased. She said that you were going to take care of it for her as a birthday gift. You are a good son.”
Fv<k. Me. Running.
I start to lose it and tell her what the hell happened. You can literally see the lady start to turn 3 shades of white as she realizes that she has been scammed. The security officer comes out and we explain the situation. He radios for backup and they are now combing the area looking for my “mom”. 15 minutes later, I decide that these shirts aren’t worth the hassle. It’s not MY gd problem. So I leave my merchandise, go out to my car and start making my way home. I get out of the mall parking lot and on to milwaukee. I get to a stoplight and start to have my blood pressure raise. My “mom” is waiting for the bus about a half mile from the mall. I am just aching for the light to turn green. It does and I pull into the parking lot of a gas station just past the light. I get out of my car, slam the door and make a beeline towards the lady. I’m about 30 feet away before she realizes just who is running towards her at a full sprint. She drops her bags and starts taking off down the sidewalk. I’m gaining on her. I finally catch up to her and put my hand on her shoulder from behind. This causes her to fall. She starts screaming at me about how she is sorry and please don’t hurt her. I’m fv<king livid. I ask her why in the hell she thought that she could do that to me and she says. “Now, this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin’ some b-ball outside of school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good startin making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say is that this cab was rare but I thought 'Man forget it' - 'Yo home to Bel Air'. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'. I looked to my kingdom I was finally there. To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air”
