Just dumped my girlfriend...

[upthemaiden]

Sorry to hear about what's going on. I know how you feel though. I've been with my wife for 10 years(2 short breaks in the middle, been together since I was 17). We got married about 2.5 years ago and decided this past new years eve to split up. We've had problems for a while, but it just shows how different people's idea of marriage is. I wasn't always happy, but I made a commitment and would have done anything to work through them like I promised. She watched a lot of disney movies when she was little and had this idea in her head that when you get married life is perfect and all your problems dissapear. When she realized they weren't fixing themselves she decided it would be better to go our own ways.

It's a lot to think through. I'm pretty torn. I know I'll be happier later on, no question about that, but I'm someone who likes to keep my promises, so I'm not sure how any future relationships will go in the future. I don't know if I'll ever want to get married again, I mean how many people can you promise the rest of your life to before it doesn't mean anything anymore? The whole idea of being married is that I'm supposed to be able to feel comfortable with my relationship and know that no matter what happens, the other person is always going to be there. That whole concept has a giant hole in the middle of it now.

Obviously the next steps would've been to sort out the bank accounts, utility bills, get my name off of her car loan, take her name off of the mortgage(her choice, I didn't kick her out or anything. I actually thought I'd be the first to leave), obviously the divorce paperwork, then eventually she'd find somewhere new to move. Well I came home from work yesterday and she told me out of the blue that she put a bid in on a house. I guess we're just gonna throw ourselves into this one with absolutely no planning.... She's always been a bit of an impulse shopper. None of it is a huge surprise. She wouldn't even talk about our problems. Any time I tried to bring anything up, as nice as humanly possible, she'd just get angry and act like I was attacking her. She wouldn't ever tell me anything, I'd catch her being sneaky with stupid things like shopping, smoking, whatever else. All just little things to destroy trust and slowly eat away at a relationship. Just not really how a relationship is supposed to work.

Anyway, I used to have a ton of friends, and was out all the time. I pretty much gave up on that when we got married so I could focus on the two of us, so I've only got a few friends now too. I'll just have to make it through the next month or two for some nice weather and I can find some more people to ride with and get a chance to be more social.

As far as making the future easier, I'm gonna pay off my XB as soon as possible, buy a supermoto hopefully before summer, and just have some fun for a while. I've honestly never even gotten a chance to be single, I don't even know how I'm supposed to go about doing that haha. Just find something to keep you occupied and you'll be fine. If you ever need to do any ranting/venting or anything of the sort feel free to attack my PM box, I'll 100% understand and not think you're crazy.

 

[rideboarder589]

trust me..if you not into it anymore get out and stay out...i just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years right after this past christmas (and $700 worth of gifts but thats a different story). She says she fell out of love with me and to be honest so do i and as much as i thought losing her hurt i realized that what really hurt was losing the memories of her. take some time to yourself man 3 years is a long time...your still young as i am...im 21...go out do your own thing and dont talk to her...make sure you surround yourself with friends and keep busy..theres gonna be plenty of time where your bored and wish you had her to spend time with...if its ment to be it will happen, but if either one of you isnt into anymore your wasting your time...good luck with everything man

 

[upthemaiden]

as i thought losing her hurt i realized that what really hurt was losing the memories of her.

Agreed, the thing that will be tough is just the change to the comfort level. I'm going to miss coming home from work and having her there to hang out with on the couch, or getting in bed when someone else is there. Making food for 2 people, not having to go to the store to by soap and paper towels by yourself, saying you want to stay in for the night and not having it mean that you're gonna be by yourself. Just random stuff.

 

[mowgoli84]

Thing is, I think after a few years or so, it becomes a comfort thing.. a security if you know what I mean. I know after a few years in my last long one, it wasn't as much that I wanted to be with her, you just get used to the idea of being with that person.. once you get past the comfort of being with that person and start doing things on your own terms again.. you'll be good =)

 

[vospertw]

Here's my grandfatherly advice for you young 'uns (and yes, I am a grandfather). DON'T get in a serious relationship (marriage or otherwise) until you are at least 35. I know, some of you married your high school sweetheart and are still together (my in-laws were/did and are still together approaching their 70's) but... those cases are few and far between. When I entered the Marines in 1986 I thought "I'm waiting until I'm at least a major..." Two years later I was a married 1stLt. And although I have 3 very cool kids and a grandson from that union, it also cost me all of my savings (at the time), house, child support, over a quarter of my retirement forever, and I'm still fixing my credit rating. Re-married a few years ago at 42 and it's still tough... but much more manageable. Bottom line is that who you are in your 20's is not the person you will be in your 30's, much less your 40's. And that goes for her as well. Quite often (I would say most of the time), the person you are in your 30's looks at that woman now in her 30's and says "what the hell did I do?" That's just life, people change. But being a man in the United States, you need to realize that the contract part of marriage is pretty lopsided... finding out that it ain't gonna work can be expensive and have long-lasting (sometimes for the rest of your life) consequences.

Yeah, I know she's hot, cool, funny, etc. and you don't think you can live without her. Take my word for it - somewhere there is someone hotter/cooler/funnier and you CAN live without her. What you don't know yet is your criteria for what you are looking for is going to change in 20 years (I know 40 seems old, but that's just half your life, amigos). You should be doing all the cool things you want to do now - travel, ride fast, get a masters degree, learn to fly an airplane... whatever. When you finally settle down you will have a whole new set of responsibilities and to be a good father/husband, you'll have to set some of those cool things aside (but don't ever let go of everything... some of those cool things - like motorcycles - make you who you are). Don't get me wrong, being married and having a family is pretty fulfilling as well, but it's damn different than what you can get away with in your 20's... so enjoy those years because there's no going back.

Bottom line, been there, done that, made all the mistakes. Don't get married until you are 35+. I understand that might be bad advice for 10% of you, but the other 90% will thank me 20 years from now.

 

[mowgoli84]

vospertw [up][up]

 

[BuellerPilot]

[up]vospertw[up]

 

[12R_FIRE]

Glade- we all go through the tough times, but it makes you know how good it can be and how bad it can be, just gotta find the one, you'll know when you find it, aspirations and goals should be lined up, good luck in the search man.

As much as id like to take vospertw's advice, commissioning this spring in the marines, shopping for an engagement ring now... wish me luck.

 

[vospertw]

12R_FIRE... what can I say. I didn't listen to older guys back then either. Good luck with both - marriage and the Corps. I'd redo the whole 20 years at the drop of a hat if they'd let me. Saw your profile, protect that aviation contract. I started out as an 0302, then flew AV-8Bs and finished flying old-man airplanes (UC-12B/F and UC-35D) at Miramar. Working a piece of the F-35 program now - even with its problems you're going to want to fly that thing!

 

[konarider94]

Yeah, I know she's hot, cool, funny, etc. and you don't think you can live without her. Take my word for it - somewhere there is someone hotter/cooler/funnier and you CAN live without her. What you don't know yet is your criteria for what you are looking for is going to change in 20 years (I know 40 seems old, but that's just half your life, amigos). You should be doing all the cool things you want to do now - travel, ride fast, get a masters degree, learn to fly an airplane... whatever. When you finally settle down you will have a whole new set of responsibilities and to be a good father/husband, you'll have to set some of those cool things aside (but don't ever let go of everything... some of those cool things - like motorcycles - make you who you are). Don't get me wrong, being married and having a family is pretty fulfilling as well, but it's damn different than what you can get away with in your 20's... so enjoy those years because there's no going back.

Bottom line, been there, done that, made all the mistakes. Don't get married until you are 35+. I understand that might be bad advice for 10% of you, but the other 90% will thank me 20 years from now.

While I respect your opinion and experience there is no reason you cant do all of those things with a significant other. I agree they are good reasons to wait on having children. If anything i think all of those things could be enjoyed more with someone you love.

To the OP, sorry I dont have any input for you. Im in the same situation just on the other side, so Ill just read others thoughts. I can relate to how much it sucks though. Although after 3 months its easier, still sucks but its better. They say time heals all.

 

[RHYNOXB9R]

Dude,been there done that.Take some time off from all the mind games and spend some quality time doing whatever it is you love or are into,I'm sure you had a hobby or pastime you enjoyed before you met her,and like most other cats,you quite doing it when you met her,no time for both,right? Take some time off,enjoy the freedom,get your head on straight,realize what it is you want from a chick,and now knowing what you don't want from one,put it all together and take your time.It's when your are not looking for anything that you find something.I do belive that everything happens for a reason.Loseing her had a reason just as finding the next one will.Just chillaxe.

 

[nukenwhite]

going thru a divorce with a greedy chic right now. no kids involved. but she wants every thing. i could be gay if not for the whole wiener thing cause then its just hanging out with your buddies. last chick gave me ulcers bad. beat htis one to the punch by getting antidepressants. there awsome.

 

[Glade21]

Man, there is a TON of good stuff here, deffinatley gives me alot to think about. I told her she could come shooting with me tomorrow and talk, if not whatever, but if she does im gonna tell her how it is and how it might make our relationship stonger to be away for a while, just to smooth it out, but unless something DRASTICALLY changes I have full intentions on ending it, it just don't want there to be bad blood. Thanks for all the support guys, its a great family here. Oh and I took the advice and got the bike together and put over 100 on it today and it helped clear my mind alot, was cold though haha.

 

[RHYNOXB9R]

No offense,but if you are going through some shit,and this is for either side,guy,chick,why the hell would the other want to go shooting with the other?? I would realy have to think just why the person was asking.[confused]JK,good luck and bury the body on a private reserve land area,it's illegal for anybody to dig in the areas boundries,I'm just sayin.

 

[turbines]

I wouldn't give a pinch a shit for none of em.

When life rakes yor hide get back on and ride.

 

[bodhisattva65]

This is easy, but since your 26 its hard for you to understand. Im 45 retired miiltary 18c. i was with someone for 6 years. when we broke up, i completely cut her out of my life, memories, any trace, what so ever.
ok here it goes.

DUMB HER, CUT ALL TIES, LOOSE HER PHONE NUMBER, ADDRESS, NO PICS, ERASE HER FROM MEMORY AS IF SHE NEVER EXISTED.

there are 2 women in the world for everyman, there are others out there.

its better in the long run

 

[Bueller814]

I just went brought the same thing same stats too. Couldn't be happier. Go ride and enjoy not having a 100 pound weight on the back of your bike.

 

[batman6669]

Chicks are like busses .. another one comes along every 10 minutes That's all I have to say bout that.

 

[vospertw]

Glade21 - one last piece of advice... Never, EVER tell a woman "how it is" when firearms are involved...

So much to teach you guys, so little time...

 

[jimijeans]

If you get bored and sometimes a good relationship will you just plan a small thing you both want to do . 1st you need to be your girls best friend. then Make sure not to lie & don't a jealous jerk . a little jealous is ok. Don't leave her out in the cold as so to speak. Find something in common. And yes Buy her some flowers/send them to her workplace if possible. Don't forget important dates etc.. If you'er gonna suck up to her/be funny/creative and so on.ON the other side make sure you have had a few experiences on your on. Try not to get to wild its ok to have fun.Stay in decent shape if possible. Save some money & be dependable . Watch your temper & talk about things. Never hit her ! I hope when you find the one you need you won't worry about the rest.