Joke Thread!

[riceetr]

What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection... a 1/4 pounder with cheese..

Thats one I have used for years and always works.

 

[dave_xb12r]

the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering

08levin, check out this song, it's one of my favorites. link

 

[MuSh]

303xb, bad taste. Without a real punchline, that just comes across as racist.

If you find that offensive, I am sure you don't frequent comedy clubs. There are a lot worse things said than that, and it comes from all races.

BTW, Gran Torino was awesome.

 

[bttrfngrz]

speaking of jokes in comedy clubs;



what an ass.

 

[okey]

marriage is like a pack of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. In the end you will wish for a club and a spade

 

[xtremelow]

Ok back to the real jokes.

Nuage420b;
I got a GREAT Military joke!!!!!!
Ready?!?!?!?!?!?!
COASTGUARD!!!!!!
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!!!
NAVY!!!!!!

Even better ARMY!!!!!! Hahaha, Hooah!


Now my joke.

What is the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls?
.
.
.
You can't unload a truck load of bowling balls with a pitchfork! LOL

Have to love the Marine Corps, tons of bad **** like that.

 

[nilla]

grand torino is one of my favs too

so a guy is down on his luck, needs some cash. goes to the plasma bank to donate for $15. HUGE line, but he needs the money. waits and waits in line until he comes to an intersecting hallway, and sees a sign for 'sperm doantion pays $60'
practically no line. he figures he could get more money and have some fun while he's at it and be on his way in just a minute.
as he walks up to the window, he sees a blonde woman standing on the donor side of the window. he thinks for a minute, and then taps her on the shoulder, asking 'Miss, are you sure you are at the right window?

she replies, without opening her mouth 'Mmmmm-Hmmmmmm'

 

[Riderdie]

Test to find out who's your best friend.

Lock your girlfriend and your dog in the trunk of your car for ten minutes and see which ones happier to see you when they get out.

 

[dustin_usmc1]

What do you call a woman with only one leg???????
Ilene

What do you call an asian woman with only one leg?????
Irene

What do you call a quadriplegic in the pool.......Bob
" " " " " in the mail.......Bill
" " " " " on the floor......Mat
" " " " " on the wall.......Art
And my personal favorite.....
What do you call a quadriplegic in a pile of leaves??????? Rustle, bwahhhahahahahahah!!!

 

[joser]

man who run behind bike get exhausted....
man who run in front of bike gets tired....

 

[2nastyn8]

Did you know Hellen Keller had a swing set?

Neither did she.

 

[everyother_time]

Confucious say: Man who go to bed with itchy butthole wake up with stinky finger!

Blonde Jokes:
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave

how do you drown a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

 

[WALLSXB]

What do preist and McDonalds have in common ?
They both stick their meat in 10 yr old buns !


Why did god give men penises ?
So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up !

 

[buellbee]

A child molester, a priest, and a rapist walk into a bar.

Then the second guy walks in.

 

[WALLSXB]

What kind of bees produce milk ? ****ies !!!!


Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer ? Because the grass tickles their balls !!!!

 

[bbletterin]

Blonde girl stands in front of vending machine, puts in money pushes the buttons and gets candy,jumps up and down happy clapping. After several times of seeing this someone asks what shes doing..reply winning-duh.

 

[2fargon]

A penguin is driving his car through the desert on a hot summer day when suddenly it breaks down. He calls a tow truck to have his car towed to the nearest repair shop. When they get to the shop, the mechanic tells the penguin "give me an hour or so to diagnose your vehicle", so the penguin heads across the street for some ice cream. (He is a penguin in the desert, afterall). After he eats 3 huge vanilla cones he heads back to the shop the get the verdict on his car. "Well", said the mechanic, "It looks to me like you just blew a seal." "Oh no no, said the penguin. "I just ate some ice cream."

 

[SonderMann]

Life - is a sexually transmitted disease which unavoidably ends in a lethal outcome.

 

[WALLSXB]

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer ?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again !

 

[agfish18]

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
-The refrigerator doesnt fart when you pull out your meat

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
-its ass


and since Extreme started the dead baby jokes...

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
-depends on how hard you throw them

What do you call a dead baby floating in a pool?
-bob

What is worse than ten dead babies in a trash can?
-one dead baby... in ten trash cans.

sorry, The Army has sick ***** too extreme, and come on, we all know the only branch worth joking about is the Air Force. They issue golf clubs for Christ's sake! (kidding, I know they dont really)