Joke Thread!

[nilla]

grand torino is one of my favs too

so a guy is down on his luck, needs some cash. goes to the plasma bank to donate for $15. HUGE line, but he needs the money. waits and waits in line until he comes to an intersecting hallway, and sees a sign for 'sperm doantion pays $60'
practically no line. he figures he could get more money and have some fun while he's at it and be on his way in just a minute.
as he walks up to the window, he sees a blonde woman standing on the donor side of the window. he thinks for a minute, and then taps her on the shoulder, asking 'Miss, are you sure you are at the right window?

she replies, without opening her mouth 'Mmmmm-Hmmmmmm'

 

[Riderdie]

Test to find out who's your best friend.

Lock your girlfriend and your dog in the trunk of your car for ten minutes and see which ones happier to see you when they get out.

 

[joser]

man who run behind bike get exhausted....
man who run in front of bike gets tired....

 

[2nastyn8]

Did you know Hellen Keller had a swing set?

Neither did she.

 

[everyother_time]

Confucious say: Man who go to bed with itchy butthole wake up with stinky finger!

Blonde Jokes:
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave

how do you drown a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

 

[WALLSXB]

What kind of bees produce milk ? ****ies !!!!


Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer ? Because the grass tickles their balls !!!!

 

[bbletterin]

Blonde girl stands in front of vending machine, puts in money pushes the buttons and gets candy,jumps up and down happy clapping. After several times of seeing this someone asks what shes doing..reply winning-duh.

 

[2fargon]

A penguin is driving his car through the desert on a hot summer day when suddenly it breaks down. He calls a tow truck to have his car towed to the nearest repair shop. When they get to the shop, the mechanic tells the penguin "give me an hour or so to diagnose your vehicle", so the penguin heads across the street for some ice cream. (He is a penguin in the desert, afterall). After he eats 3 huge vanilla cones he heads back to the shop the get the verdict on his car. "Well", said the mechanic, "It looks to me like you just blew a seal." "Oh no no, said the penguin. "I just ate some ice cream."

 

[SonderMann]

Life - is a sexually transmitted disease which unavoidably ends in a lethal outcome.

 

[Black Knight]

08levin - When I got married I gave the 'three rings of marriage' as a toast at my reception. In true to life fashion - it appeared most of the men were scared to laugh for fear of retaliation from their "better halfs".

Ahhhh the suffering. Four years and counting...

I always thought that joke was freakin hilarious. For some strange reason, women don't find it very funny.

 

[myronman3]

what is meaner than a pit bull with a.i.d.s.?

the guy that gave it to 'em.

 

[Xb12sLt]

What's the worst part about eatin vegetables?.....

Putting them back in their wheelchairs.

 

[INKMAN815]

The bird that represents courage is the.......Eagle

The bird that represents wisdom is the .......Owl

The bird that represents birth control is................
The Swallow!!!!!!!

 

[twoguns]

how do you stop a baby swinging on a clothes line?


with a shovel!





whats red, spins around and makes a squeel every revolution?


a baby in a microwave!

 

[pyrat]

This is one of my favorite jokes. Someone told me this about 20 years ago, and I never forgot it. It's a little complicated...

Now I want you to picture a very calm lake in the middle of a forest...

In the lake there is a fish in the water looking at a fly hovering above the lake...

The fish is thinking if that fly comes down four inches, I can jump out of the lake and get the fly...

On the side of the lake there is a bear. The bear is looking at the fish, looking at the fly. The bear is thinking...if that fly comes down four inches the fish is going to go for the fly, I can get the fish.

On the other side of the lake, there is a man with a rifle. The man is looking at the bear, looking at the fish, looking at the fly. The man is thinking... if that fly comes down four inches the fish is going to go for the fly, the bear is going to go for the fish, I can get the bear...

Behind the man is a mouse. The mouse is looking at a sandwich in the man's pocket, while the man is looking at the bear, looking at the fish, looking at the fly. The mouse is thinking...if that fly comes down four inches, the fish is going to get the fly, the bear is going to get the fish, the man is going to shoot the bear, and the sandwichich is going to fall...so I can get the sandwich.

Behind the mouse is a cat. The cat is looking at the mouse, looking at the man, looking at the bear, looking at the fish, looking at the fly. The cat is thinking...if that fly comes down four inches, the fish is going to go for the fly, the bear is going to go for the fish, the man is going to shoot the bear, the sandwich is going to fall, the mouse is going to go for the sandwich...I can get the mouse...

It all quiet for a long time...

All of a sudden, the fly hovers down four inches...BAMMMMMMM...the fish gets the fly, the bear gets the fish, the man shoots the bear, the sandwich falls, the mouse gets the sandwich, the cat goes for the mouse...and misses...lands in the lake....

What's the moral of the story....

When the fly comes down four inches, the pussy gets wet!!!!!

 

[bttrfngrz]

thats a good one pyrat

 

[bttrfngrz]

whats the differance between a bowflex and a truck load of dead babies?




I don't have a Bowflex in my garage.

 

[vanson1200r]

Harley Davidson....Bababahahaha!

 

[2fargon]

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a washing machine? You can drop a huge load in the washing machine without it screaming at you.

 

[fwkapaun]

The three stages of marital sex:
1. Tri Weekly 2. Try Weekly 3. Try Weakly

The five phases of an army staff operation:
1. enthusiasm, 2.disillusionment, 3. search for the guilty parties 4. punishment of the innocent, 5. awards and decorations for all non-participants.