Joke Thread!
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey pal, why the long face?"
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve rope here." The rope walks out, ties himself in a half hitch, frays his ends and goes back in. "I told you, we don't serve rope here." "Nope, frayed knot."
A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, a joke?"
Two jews walk into a bar. They own it!
Two blondes walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A carrot and a hamburger walk into a bar. The bartender tells them "We don't serve food here."
A man walks into a bar and says "Damn that hurt!"
A dog with a bandage on his foot walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper walks into a bar. The bartender says "What's that steering wheel doing sticking out of your fly?" "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A guy walks into a bar and asks "What's the quickest way to get to the next town over?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the bartender. "Driving," he answers. "That's the quickest way," says the bartender.
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "you!!?? No Way! You get too violent when you drink.
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"
A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?"
A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"
A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus." The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?" The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."
A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them and the bartender says, "Don't you want to know where the toilet is?" The pig says, "No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home."
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted
A ghost goes into a bar. The bartender told him, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve spirits here..."
A woman walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels tied to his hat.
Bartender asks him why he has paper towels stuck to his hat.
Pirate replys
Arrrrr there be a bounty on me head
A drunk blonds walks into a bar and says "give me a beer!"
The bartender asks "Anheuser Busch?"
"My bush is fine, meow how about that beer?"
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve rope here." The rope walks out, ties himself in a half hitch, frays his ends and goes back in. "I told you, we don't serve rope here." "Nope, frayed knot."
A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, a joke?"
Two jews walk into a bar. They own it!
Two blondes walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A carrot and a hamburger walk into a bar. The bartender tells them "We don't serve food here."
A man walks into a bar and says "Damn that hurt!"
A dog with a bandage on his foot walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper walks into a bar. The bartender says "What's that steering wheel doing sticking out of your fly?" "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A guy walks into a bar and asks "What's the quickest way to get to the next town over?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the bartender. "Driving," he answers. "That's the quickest way," says the bartender.
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "you!!?? No Way! You get too violent when you drink.
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"
A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?"
A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"
A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus." The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?" The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."
A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them and the bartender says, "Don't you want to know where the toilet is?" The pig says, "No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home."
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted
A ghost goes into a bar. The bartender told him, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve spirits here..."
A woman walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels tied to his hat.
Bartender asks him why he has paper towels stuck to his hat.
Pirate replys
Arrrrr there be a bounty on me head
A drunk blonds walks into a bar and says "give me a beer!"
The bartender asks "Anheuser Busch?"
"My bush is fine, meow how about that beer?"
how do you stop a baby from running in circles?
nail its other hand to the floor
whats white and bounces in a crib?
a pedophiles ass
whats sicker than a pile of dead babys?
the one at the bottom eating its way out
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots
off.
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
ok, thats enough for now, ****** up, but funny still
nail its other hand to the floor
whats white and bounces in a crib?
a pedophiles ass
whats sicker than a pile of dead babys?
the one at the bottom eating its way out
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots
off.
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
ok, thats enough for now, ****** up, but funny still
hey i tried making a movie on xtranormal;
i' made it in the middle of the night so it's probably not that funny. night yall
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8194899
it wouldn't let me make it into a link.
i' made it in the middle of the night so it's probably not that funny. night yall
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8194899
it wouldn't let me make it into a link.
did you hear about the cannibal who saw his brother in the woods?
What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass
What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a *******.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass
What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a *******.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
HER DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY: Tried everything but my bike wouldn't start today, I don't know what to do, but at least I got laid.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY: Tried everything but my bike wouldn't start today, I don't know what to do, but at least I got laid.
A rather smallish man goes into a bar, sits at a stool, and orders a drink. While paying for it, he notices a large glass jar full of $20 bills. He asks the bartender, "What's with the jar of money?"
"Oh," the bartender explains, "You see, the owner of this place has a little challenge going. If you succeed with the challenge, the money's yours. I gotta tell you though, it's really hard. Nobody's ever won it."
Curious, the customer asks, "What kind of a challenge?"
"Well, the challenge has three parts. First part is, you gotta knock out our bouncer!'
The man looks down the bar, where an huge guy, looking like he was carved out of a rock and weighing probably 300 pounds, nods and grins back.
The customer smiles and returns his attention to the bartender, "Oh, that's pretty good! What else is there to this challenge?"
The bartender goes on, "Well, the second part is, the owner's got this dog locked up in the back room, that's meaner than hell normally, but right now, the dog has a really badly infected tooth, and it's made the dog unbelievably crazy mean. The vet won't go near him. Second part is, you gotta pull the tooth!"
The customer laughs, "Wow! That's great! What's the third part?"
The bartender smiles, "Oh, that's the best part! You see, the owner's mother-in-law, double butt-ugly, who I think weighs more than the bouncer and hasn’t taken a bath since her 90th birthday three years ago, and they say she's even meaner than the dog... well, she lives upstairs."
"... Yeah?"
Well, the third part is, well... see, she ain't... HAD any in a long time... So..."
"... You're kidding!"
"Nope. Part three is, you gotta... make her happy, IF you know what I mean... "
The customer nearly sprays a mouthful of his drink on the floor, laughing. "Oh, wow! That’s pretty good, yessir! That's pretty damn good!'
The bartender pauses, and (not seriously) asks the man, 'What'ya think? Wanna go for it?"
The customer breaks out laughing again, "No, I, ah... I really don't think so! Maybe next time!"
The bartender smiles and moves down the bar, and the customer returns his attention to his drink, chuckling.
A few hours pass. The customer has had more than his share of drinks and is staring more and more at the big jar of money. Just when the bartender is thinking of cutting the guy off, the man announces, "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!" and starts fumbling in his pants pocket for a $20 bill.
The bartender, looking a bit concerned, says, "Do what?"
Red-eyed and obviously drunk, the customer says, "The challenge! I wanna do da' challenge!"
The bartender smiles and says, "I don't think so, pal. You've had enough excitement for one night. I think it's time you went home."
But the man is getting belligerent. "Hey! I'm gonna do it, and you're not gonna stop me!" The bouncer sees this and starts walking over.
The bartender tries to calm the man down, "Not tonight, pal. Trust me, you'll thank me later."
The man gets angry, 'Hey! My money's jus' as good as anybody ellsess! I'm gonna do... " and as he rises on his stool to get his money out of his pocket, he loses his balance, falls over backward, and accidentally head-butts the bouncer, laying the huge guy out cold!
Stumbling to his feet, the drunken customer turns around, sees the bouncer lying there, and starts yelling, " I did it! I did it! I did it, I did it, I did it! I knocked 'm out!"
The bartender argues, "Now wait a minute, buddy! You know damn well that that isn't what I meant by knocking out the bouncer! You fell off your stool and hit him with your head! That doesn't count!"
But the man won't listen, "I did it! I knocked out the bouncer! I knocked out the bouncer! You gotta lemme do step two! You gotta let me do the dog thing! You gotta lemme do the dog!"
About this time, the bouncer has come to, and is rising to his feet. With steam rolling out of his ears, he comes up behind the man, grabs him by the collar, and says to the bartender through clenched teeth, "Let... him... do... the... dog!"
Against his better judgement, but not wishing to anger the bouncer any further, the bartender pauses... but gives in. "... Okay... let him do the dog."
With evil clearly showing on his face, the bouncer easily drags the drunken man to a door in back, carefully turns the doorhandle, and in a split second, throws the man in and slams the door shut.
All the other customers are in shock as the sound of breaking glass, snarling, smashing furniture, screams, howls, everything, comes from the back of the building for two long minutes, then finally dies down to an eerie silence.
You could hear a pin drop in the bar. The bartender and bouncer, both white faced and in a cold sweat over what they've just allowed to happen, don't know what to do.
Suddenly, the drunk comes bursting out of the back room, bloody, his clothes ripped to shreds, yelling, " I DID IT! I DID IT, I DID IT!... NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD BROAD WITH THE BAD TOOTH?"
"Oh," the bartender explains, "You see, the owner of this place has a little challenge going. If you succeed with the challenge, the money's yours. I gotta tell you though, it's really hard. Nobody's ever won it."
Curious, the customer asks, "What kind of a challenge?"
"Well, the challenge has three parts. First part is, you gotta knock out our bouncer!'
The man looks down the bar, where an huge guy, looking like he was carved out of a rock and weighing probably 300 pounds, nods and grins back.
The customer smiles and returns his attention to the bartender, "Oh, that's pretty good! What else is there to this challenge?"
The bartender goes on, "Well, the second part is, the owner's got this dog locked up in the back room, that's meaner than hell normally, but right now, the dog has a really badly infected tooth, and it's made the dog unbelievably crazy mean. The vet won't go near him. Second part is, you gotta pull the tooth!"
The customer laughs, "Wow! That's great! What's the third part?"
The bartender smiles, "Oh, that's the best part! You see, the owner's mother-in-law, double butt-ugly, who I think weighs more than the bouncer and hasn’t taken a bath since her 90th birthday three years ago, and they say she's even meaner than the dog... well, she lives upstairs."
"... Yeah?"
Well, the third part is, well... see, she ain't... HAD any in a long time... So..."
"... You're kidding!"
"Nope. Part three is, you gotta... make her happy, IF you know what I mean... "
The customer nearly sprays a mouthful of his drink on the floor, laughing. "Oh, wow! That’s pretty good, yessir! That's pretty damn good!'
The bartender pauses, and (not seriously) asks the man, 'What'ya think? Wanna go for it?"
The customer breaks out laughing again, "No, I, ah... I really don't think so! Maybe next time!"
The bartender smiles and moves down the bar, and the customer returns his attention to his drink, chuckling.
A few hours pass. The customer has had more than his share of drinks and is staring more and more at the big jar of money. Just when the bartender is thinking of cutting the guy off, the man announces, "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!" and starts fumbling in his pants pocket for a $20 bill.
The bartender, looking a bit concerned, says, "Do what?"
Red-eyed and obviously drunk, the customer says, "The challenge! I wanna do da' challenge!"
The bartender smiles and says, "I don't think so, pal. You've had enough excitement for one night. I think it's time you went home."
But the man is getting belligerent. "Hey! I'm gonna do it, and you're not gonna stop me!" The bouncer sees this and starts walking over.
The bartender tries to calm the man down, "Not tonight, pal. Trust me, you'll thank me later."
The man gets angry, 'Hey! My money's jus' as good as anybody ellsess! I'm gonna do... " and as he rises on his stool to get his money out of his pocket, he loses his balance, falls over backward, and accidentally head-butts the bouncer, laying the huge guy out cold!
Stumbling to his feet, the drunken customer turns around, sees the bouncer lying there, and starts yelling, " I did it! I did it! I did it, I did it, I did it! I knocked 'm out!"
The bartender argues, "Now wait a minute, buddy! You know damn well that that isn't what I meant by knocking out the bouncer! You fell off your stool and hit him with your head! That doesn't count!"
But the man won't listen, "I did it! I knocked out the bouncer! I knocked out the bouncer! You gotta lemme do step two! You gotta let me do the dog thing! You gotta lemme do the dog!"
About this time, the bouncer has come to, and is rising to his feet. With steam rolling out of his ears, he comes up behind the man, grabs him by the collar, and says to the bartender through clenched teeth, "Let... him... do... the... dog!"
Against his better judgement, but not wishing to anger the bouncer any further, the bartender pauses... but gives in. "... Okay... let him do the dog."
With evil clearly showing on his face, the bouncer easily drags the drunken man to a door in back, carefully turns the doorhandle, and in a split second, throws the man in and slams the door shut.
All the other customers are in shock as the sound of breaking glass, snarling, smashing furniture, screams, howls, everything, comes from the back of the building for two long minutes, then finally dies down to an eerie silence.
You could hear a pin drop in the bar. The bartender and bouncer, both white faced and in a cold sweat over what they've just allowed to happen, don't know what to do.
Suddenly, the drunk comes bursting out of the back room, bloody, his clothes ripped to shreds, yelling, " I DID IT! I DID IT, I DID IT!... NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD BROAD WITH THE BAD TOOTH?"
onelogue
Well-known member
^^^^ (The one above this one) lmao!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!! Delta one [up]
ok, so a guy is walks in a bar in the penthouse of a hotel...roughly 30 stories up. He hangs his coat, grabs a seat at the bar and orders a drink. The man sitting next to him is completely wasted and looks about one shot away from alcohol poisoning. The drunk guy looks over and says to the man " I bet you $1000 that I can jump off that balcony, fall 30 stories, and live.
The man just wanted to get the drunk off his case, so he said "ok, lets see what you got." so the drunk gets up, walks over to the edge of the balcony, manages to hurl himself over the edge and falls. stunned, the man rushes to the edge and sees the drunk on the ground. feeling guilty, the man goes back to the bar and orders another drink.
a few moments later, the drunk stumbles by, and demands his $1000. The man is shocked that the drunk is alive and standing right in front of him, but he is also shitting himself because he owes this drunk guy $1000 that he doesnt have.
In an act of self preservation, he bets the guy double or nothing he cant do it again. The drunk takes him up on it, and this time does a runnin leap off the edge of the building. The man runs back to the edge and sees the guy laid out flat on the ground 30 stories below. Sure he had beaten the guy he went in for another drink only to find the drunk waiting for him at the bar.
Now that he owes the drunk $2000 he realizes that the drunk isnt going to leave with out his money, so he decides to jump off the building hoping that by some grace of God, he will survive like the drunk did and will be able to escape. about an inch from the ground, the man thinks to himself, this is really going to hurt, and it did. His bones shattered the instant he hit the ground killing him.
Back up top, the bar tender just shook his head and said to the drunk, "Superman, you are a real ******* when you are drunk"
The man just wanted to get the drunk off his case, so he said "ok, lets see what you got." so the drunk gets up, walks over to the edge of the balcony, manages to hurl himself over the edge and falls. stunned, the man rushes to the edge and sees the drunk on the ground. feeling guilty, the man goes back to the bar and orders another drink.
a few moments later, the drunk stumbles by, and demands his $1000. The man is shocked that the drunk is alive and standing right in front of him, but he is also shitting himself because he owes this drunk guy $1000 that he doesnt have.
In an act of self preservation, he bets the guy double or nothing he cant do it again. The drunk takes him up on it, and this time does a runnin leap off the edge of the building. The man runs back to the edge and sees the guy laid out flat on the ground 30 stories below. Sure he had beaten the guy he went in for another drink only to find the drunk waiting for him at the bar.
Now that he owes the drunk $2000 he realizes that the drunk isnt going to leave with out his money, so he decides to jump off the building hoping that by some grace of God, he will survive like the drunk did and will be able to escape. about an inch from the ground, the man thinks to himself, this is really going to hurt, and it did. His bones shattered the instant he hit the ground killing him.
Back up top, the bar tender just shook his head and said to the drunk, "Superman, you are a real ******* when you are drunk"
A guy goes into a bar and sees a jar of money on the counter. He asks the bartender about it. "There's a horse in the back room. If you can make him laugh, the money is yours." the guy throws his money in the jar and the 'tender takes him into the back room. A minute later the horse starts laughing. Surprised, the bartender hands him the money. A month later the man walks back into the bar and sees the jar of money full again. He asks about it, and is told there is a horse in the back. if he can make the horse cry, the money is his. Sure enough, he throws his money in the jar and goes in the back room. A few minutes go by, and the horse starts crying. When the man comes out to collect his money, the bartender asks what he said to the horse. "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his, and the second time, I proved it."
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