Joke Thread!

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Agfish18;
What is worse than ten dead babies in a trash can?
-one dead baby... in ten trash cans.
No worries I was going to tell this one too, Hahaha.



Here are a couple more. Remember they are just jokes.

What do you get when you mix a pool with kids and a WP Mortar.
Nothing until you add the Tabasco Sauce :D

How do you make a baby stop screaming and start crying?
Pull out and wipe the blood off on its teddy bear...

What is the worse than a baby crying?
Having to listen to the bones crack while you **** it:p
 
Some Quickies

What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in your bath tub?
Throw all your washing in.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will...would that be considered rape or shop lifting?

Why do people say they slept like a baby, when they wake up like every 4 hours?

How do you know a redneck invented the toothbrush?
Because otherwise it would of been called a teethbrush.

What's the definition of a FRENZY ?
Two blind lesbians at a fish market.

What do you call a lesbian with a 12 inch tougue?
Well hung.
 
Here are a couple more. Remember they are just jokes.

What do you get when you mix a pool with kids and a WP Mortar.
Nothing until you add the Tabasco Sauce

How do you make a baby stop screaming and start crying?
Pull out and wipe the blood off on its teddy bear...

What is the worse than a baby crying?
Having to listen to the bones crack while you **** it

Well, I'm not afraid to post this one now lol:

What's the best thing about twenty eight year olds??

There's twenty of them
 
why did Michael Jackson like having sex with twenty eight year olds...

because there's twenty of em...

Dolp! Different version but same joke nonetheless. You beat me to it
 
In all honesty some of your tastes are pretty bad. I came into this thread for a laugh and left feeling sick. I have a year and a half old daughter and maybe Im just sensitive, but Im pretty disgusted.


All shock factors aside, some of those jokes were pretty sick, and we should reflect on why such jokes inspire laughter in those.


Signing off.
 
What do you call a one legged hooker?
-Ilene (I Lean)

What do you call a one legged asian hooker?
Irene (I Rean)

What do you call a dog with steel testicles and no hind legs?
Sparky

What goes blond, brunette, blond, brunette, blond, brunette?
A blond doing cartwheels

ok, so two young punks were walking through a department store when one decided to stop at the purfume counter. The worker came up to him and asked if she could help. The kid said "yeah, I'm looking for some good smellin **** for my girl's birthday" The lady said, "maybe I can help, do you know a brand that you are looking for?" The gangster said "nah, not really." The lady then said "we just got this new fragrance in, it is called 'come to me.' here, smell it." she sprayed a bit on her forearm and waived it around until it dried allowing him to sniff it. He said he really liked it and that he would take one.

While the lady went to the back to box it up, the kid sprayed some on his arm and went up to his buddy and asked "hey, this smell like 'cum to you'?"
 
In all honesty some of your tastes are pretty bad. I came into this thread for a laugh and left feeling sick. I have a year and a half old daughter and maybe Im just sensitive, but Im pretty disgusted.

Don't bash others for some jokes they posted. I hate racist jokes 'cuz I get racist **** often. But I don't bash pple who say racist jokes in good humor...

ANYWAY.....
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don’t know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
 
In all honesty some of your tastes are pretty bad. I came into this thread for a laugh and left feeling sick. I have a year and a half old daughter and maybe Im just sensitive, but Im pretty disgusted.


All shock factors aside, some of those jokes were pretty sick, and we should reflect on why such jokes inspire laughter in those.

+1

I do not particularly find those jokes too funny as well. So far I do not have any kid but that kind of humor is similar to joking the same way about parents may be. Would you like to???

I am tolerant to different kinds of humor but that is definitely not the best one.

Be honest, would you crack such a joke in the company of a normal people??? Most of 'em consider it to be a sacrilege from your side.

Do not think that I am a Priest from those stories above:D no no:p . But there should be some limit.

No offence guys.
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OK I stop rattling on and switch over the funny story
------------------------------------------------------

The man is sleeping and sees a dream about him being a spider. He is sitting on the tree and sees a nice "spider ******" sitting much lower. He starts to go down on his web to her (sure he wants to **** her) and a couple of meters before he reaches her he founds that his web is almost over:( Then he starts to push, puSH, PU-u-USH his web diligently to come closer to the smoking hot female spider and he has almost done it...
Suddenly the wife is waking the man up and shouting at him - "What the **** are you doing???!!! You are shitting in the bed!!!"
 
A couple is sitting alone on a bench outdoors in the park in the night.
Then the guy starts licking his girlfriend's pussy. She tells him "Honey please put off your glasses, you are damaging my new stockings"
10 seconds later she is telling him again "Honey please put on your glasses back, you are lickiing the bench"
 
The Man Rules...
These are our rules!...Please note these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl, if it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints – do not work!
Strong hints – do not work!
Obvious hints – do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem<B>only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 days.
1. If you think your fat, you probably are or already know you need to lose a few pounds. So don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how YOU want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin, is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutly anything you wear is fine....really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports or work.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have enough shoes.
1. I am in shape, round IS a shape!
1. Yes, i know i have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
 
What creature only eats once a month?
-A lesbian Vampire

What do you get when you cross a chicken with an M&M?
-a cock that melts in your mouth but not in your hands.

and for story time...

a guy walks into a bar, he sits down for a couple seconds to survey the crowd. The bar seems pretty empty, not a lot going on, so this guy decides to take a chance.

He walked up to the bartender and said "I bet you $10,000 that I can piss from here into that glass across the bar without spilling a drop." The bartender, being a betting man, takes the challenge. Who on earth can do that right?

The man drops trou, whips out his dick, and just starts pissing everywhere. He pisses on the seats, on the tables, on the floor, everywhere but that glass. The bartender starts laughing and then gets a stern look on his face when he demands his $10,000. The man just smiled and gave him the money.

Confused, the bartender asked him why he was so happy that he just lost $10,000, and the man replied with "that man outside said he would give me $20,000 if I came in here and pissed all over your bar and left without getting my ass kicked."
 
This in no way reflects how I feel about our armed forces.....It is somthing that was told to me by a freind.


What does USMC stand for?

Uncle
Sams
Misguided
Children
 
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